Absurdism is a philosophy stating that the efforts of humanity to find inherent meaning in the universe will ultimately fail. The absurd arises out of the search for meaning and the apparent meaninglessness of infertility. How absurd are the things that we go through, in the search for the answer to having a child?
On at least four occasions I have driven with the donated sperm sample, or swimmers, as Julie and I call them, buckled into the passenger seat serving as my co-pilot. Together this dynamic duo of Yard Man and his future sidekick Lawn Boy face the DFW toll system searching for a frozen refuge.
I admit that I gave those swimmers the best fatherly pep talk I could muster. I channeled the televised inspirations of Bill Cosby, Ward Cleaver, Mike Brady and the Fonz. That pep talk I gave them would have made Patton and Vince Lombardi bluster with pride. Go impregnate my wife you pinch hitting seed from another man. Swim, Swim, SWIM I SAY! Swim until you find that egg, then impregnate, impregnate, IMPREGANATE!!!
A 43 year old man talking to a 2 ½ foot black, liquid nitrogen, vapor tank as if it’s getting ready to bat in its first baseball game. I’m sure there is nothing absurd about that.
Absurdism embraces itself in that sense of hopelessness. No matter how many times I talk to that black plastic, vapor filled case, hoping something will change, that I can make a difference in this process, I cannot.
