Male Infertility Support Group

My idea of what a Male Infertility support group would look like.


SCENE ONE.

The scene takes place at any local Hooters. Large pile of wings and several pitcher of beer on table. Five guys standing around a table. Their fingers are covered in gooey goodness.
RICK
I cannot believe how hard it is to pick out sperm?
BOB
Hehe . . . He said hard.
DAN
So?
BOB
He said hard and sperm. . . That's pretty funny.
DAN
(Thinks for a moment)
Yeah . . . It is.
KEVIN
Can we stop using that word?
DAN
What word?
KEVIN
The “S” word. Someone might hear.
RICK
What word would you prefer we use?
KEVIN
My wife and I prefer the word “The Sample”.
BOB
Sounds like you are trying pizza rolls at the end of an aisle at Walmart.
DAN
I’m not sampling those.
RICK
But I like rolls.
DAN
Pizza Rolls do rule.
ALL
Yeah
DAN
Well at least you can choose yours? I got to go to a doctors office and fill a cup up.
KEVIN
And I never know if I should take my pants off or not.
DAN
Yeah. Do you just whip it out or do you drop the pants around the ankles?
BOB
I stripped naked as the day I was born.
DAN
You do?
BOB
I want no distraction. Especially since Doctor porn sucks. I’m sorry but I need something more than Maxium to do my duty. I need a speciality type of porn to . . .
DAN
I don’t want to know what specialty you need.
RICK
Well I have a question? When choosing your Sp . . . I mean Sample. Who do you choose the pharmacist or the basketball ball player? I mean do you go for the brains or the brawn?
BOB
Brawn of course, no kid of mine getting his butt kicked.
RICK
So your a 5’2” , science club geek, who wants to have a 6’7” basket ball player for a kid. That makes sense.
KEVIN
What do you use for a criteria?
DAN
Maybe they should include pictures of the donors so we can see what they look like.
BOB
Do you want to see what your baby daddy looks like?
DAN
(thinks for a long moment)
That would be awkward.
RICK
I think we should table this discussion to next week. All in favor say “Aye”.
ALL
(Enthusiastically)
Aye!
DAN
I want to make a motion. we drink more beer and eat more wings. All in favor.
ALL
Aye!